Tell me, have you ever wonder how this year would turned out if you choose your choice differently?
I mean, would you be happier? or it would be the same regardless?
As I said to you many times, I actually never thought that I would be here. To be honest, I do not know the slightest idea where I thought I would be this year. I change my choice more time than necessary, and it was never a rigid choice. I thought, ah becoming a doctor is already a gift, then I just enjoy it and let the freaking wind blow me, go with the damn flow!
So here I am writing to my non-existent reader, during a heavy rain, in my room with rain water leaking through the roof.
During the first few weeks it was very hard, right now I do not know why it was hard (I actually know, but wouldn’t tell you in public, hehe), but the world seems so gloomy, long work hour didn’t help. I tried to be positive and go home to Bandung as frequent as I could, but due to shitty traffic, and me working mon to sat, the longest time I could be staying in Bandung was around 20 hours, yikes.
BUT (of course there’s but), I was very grateful, that during those grey days, I have my friends, I mean what would I do without hanging out in their room every-single-night?! not to mention our regular trip to Bogor made it a lot better. (wow after I think about it, I really like big cities)
Four months later, it got so much better as I walk through the emergency room door *dramatic music playing in the background, preferably something by Hozier*. The folks are really cool and nice. The work is still heavy but enjoyable, I get to examine patient firsthand, do the doctor work. The seniors are very helpful and resourceful, I reckon I learned a lot that time. Not to mention in this period of time, I started to do things beside working at the hospital. I joined volunteer activities that really feed my soul (no kidding), meeting new people, preparing myself for scholarship application, going back and forth to Bandung, reconnecting with old friends, for this I felt really grateful.
and then, come the last two months. I couldn’t describe it well enough to get the point to you, but I felt so alive. I read a lot about things that’s going on in this country and so amazed why no one do anything about it. In this period I worked at a primary healthcare facility, which some people felt really boring. The case is different with me, working here really set my soul on fire. I get the opportunity to work alongside the community, connecting with my patients more, get to see a lot of beautiful scenery. But those experience inspire me a lot about what I want to do in the future. My heart that was reluctant before, now sure.
so twas my story, lot more to learn, but this end of the year I wasn’t waiting for any bullshit plot twist, because the only one who could change the course of my life is only myself.
Sukabumi, 6 december 2019. feel nothing but blessed.
Originally published at http://crimsonandtawny.wordpress.com on December 6, 2019.
