Oh, I thought my first entry on Medium is going to be a success story. But then I would have to wait too long to start writing. I guess many people like myself have read many people’s achievements, but what about their failure? What about the story when someone is rejected and crestfallen but managed to rise back again? Are we alone? Am I the only one who’s not good enough?
This is what I am going to tell you; you are not.
After too many failures, the first thing I ask myself is, “did I aim too high?”. A plethora of people has also asked me the same thing. Probably not because they doubt me, but due to the heartbreak I had caused them when I was at my lowest point. Besides, it is them who picked up the pieces. They simply do not want me to be miserable.
Anyway, I have never listened to other people’s doubts about my qualification. It is what within me I’m afraid of. Self-doubt is toxic; it destroys you. But how can I be positive when every single opportunity that I took leads to the desolation of my spirit?
Did I aim too high?
Does my dream unattainable for people like me?
I kept telling myself that I will try until I get IT but until when? How will I know that my dream is, in fact, unrealizable?
The first failure drained my spirit dry; the second one was already expected, so I was unshaken; then the third and the fourth got me to lose my purpose. Though I know, I will not stop anytime soon, but numbing myself on every rejection leads to losing myself bit by bit. The dream that should guide me to become the person I want to be, the best version of me, caused me to lose myself. Ironic, isn’t it?
Do you feel it too?
